I like this.
This has been on my mind a while, and I know I will probably get tons of bullshit milso’s standing up for themselves, and saying this and that, it’s all words to me, I don’t give a fuck what you have to say to me, or if you want to throw your Army wife drama my way. Just hear me out:
I have seen more then enough of my friends, and brother’s getting divorced and relationships end because of PTSD, because he “Didn’t come home the same” “I couldn’t handle it”. You see, the glitz, and glamor of military spouses on tumblr, the homecoming photo’s and gifs of jumping into each others arms, the count downs, the engagements, the stupid ass (what you all think is cute?) milso quotes and sayings..ect. Okay. What about after all this shit? He/she’s home. Now what? It’s not going to go back to how it was before. After the homecoming excitement wears off, what then? When he starts getting nightmares? When he’s angry? When he’s anxious, jumpy, snappy? When he shuts you out? Wont talk. How will you handle it then? Is it still the perfect “Military fairy tail relationship” ? I’m not saying every single one of you is like this. But I’ve seen it. I’ve gone through it. I also understand, it’s not easy on the flip side, to deal with that. At times it’s not fair. At times it can seem like we’re using you as the punching bag, taking it out on you, shutting you out, ect. It’s like walking on eggshells, not knowing what you can say, when, how, what noises, what movies..it’s all just a huge puzzle you have to piece back together. I guess it just really pisses me off, when I see that being in a relationship where one is in the military, is such a hype, I don’t get it. What’s so great about the distance? The training, the deployments, the cheating (yes, I said it). It’s like people just like the story. PTSD, combat stress, anxiety..that isn’t a fairytail military relationship. Why don’t you see that part all over tumblr? Why isn’t that glamorized, and part of the hype? “I’m going to be there for him through everything, I’m going to wait, I’m going to try and understand, what can I do..” Yeah I get that shit in my ask, daily. My answer? Will remain the same. “Just be there” that’s all you can really do, but yet, I see my friends getting broken up with and divorced, left and right. I understand, if the relationship becomes a danger, and abusive and unhealthy. But, for the ones who just “Don’t want to deal with it”, because “He’s not the same”, harden the fuck up. He went to war, did you not expect to have him come home with some of it?
Agreed. lol Its like when another brigade deploys and the following Friday night, all of the bars and clubs are filled with Army wives partying it up, being drunk, and taking home all of my friends. In fact, word used to spread like fucking wildfire through the barracks counting down the days until a different unit deploys so that we can go pick up wives at the bars. Its fucked up, but no one ever sees that side of the story. I remember seeing all of these young privates fresh out of basic getting married to their high school sweetheart (or on the flipside, the stripper that works at the stripclub across the street from Gate 5) and then watching everything fall apart after that…..
We would go on 2-3 week field problem and all they would do is worry. “Holy shit, is she cheating on me?” “Do you think she went out with her friends?” All I could do was laugh and give my two cents: “If you can’t trust her or answer those questions, why the fuck did you marry her? We’re deploying to Iraq in 3 months, what the fuck are you going to do for those 15 months overseas? Now I have to worry about your fucking job performance because you are distracted by the possible whereabouts of a 19 year old bride that you uprooted from home 2,000 miles away with no friends or family in this region of the country. I’m sorry that you have to worry about this and I really hope she is as supportive as she claims to be, but right now, you need to do your fucking job. You are a soldier before you are a husband. My life, his life, and the lives of 30 others are relying on you to be able to come home. I am throwing my life in harm’s way because I want you to be able to come home to that girl. She better be fucking worth it.”
Couple of months into our combat deployment, she gets knocked up by some dude they both went to high school with. Meanwhile, her Myspace page (now tumblr) is covered with “ILOVEMYSOLDIERICANTWAITFORHIMTOCOMEHOMEOMGOMGOMGOMG.” Fuck you bitch, I took better care of your man than you did. I made sure he was fed and I took extra guard shifts to ensure that he got enough sleep or so that he could call you in the middle of the night because that was the only chance he had to talk to you. And where were you? Getting dicked down by Jody.
I know a supporting wife when I see one. She’s the one who’s stuck around through 3, 4, 5, maybe 6 deployments by now. She’s the one giving advice to all the younger newly wed wives who have no idea how to cope with distance, separation, or PTSD. She is the one playing an active role in the company FRG (Don’t know what its called for the other branches). That is the one your wife needs to be. Not the one looking for “fairytale military marriage” or a meal ticket.
This. Thanks Jonny and FYAfghanistan. Well said.
